Common Dating Issues
• feeling too shy or fearful to even approach a person you are attracted to (long before even thinking about how to ask for a date)
• feeling self-conscious / having trouble making eye contact & conversing naturally, with someone you desire
• feeling anxious or awkward during the date
• and those who felt they had met the 'right' person - but missed their opportunity for a relationship due to anxiety
Start Strengthening Your Dating Development
The secret is simply being able to truly relax and be yourself, so it becomes easier to naturally enjoy dating - which automatically means your prospective partner will be able to relax and enjoy themselves, too.
But to ensure this all goes to plan, this takes regular practice. You dont want to be rusty by the time the dating opportunity comes around.
Rather than waiting for those romantic opportunities to occur - instead, begin now to practice and hone up your social skills on a daily basis, using the everyday public as part of your social 'workout'.
This does two things - it puts you out there in the flow of society, which may open up some opportunities for prospective dates. Secondly, it helps you to sharpen your social skills, for those dates when you want to be at the top of your game.
Doing these things on a regular daily basis builds your internal confidence, to be able to connect with people and have conversations about even inconsequential things.
Even just general comments like “how great is this weather?” are surprisingly well received by people - and every tiny chat you have with someone helps you to build confidence for more and more future romantic situations.
The idea is to keep practicing chatting until it becomes easy and natural - then you have the skills to use in situations with those you are attracted to.
Accelerate your social development, through many tiny interactions with other people - any people - on an every day basis. These are the stepping stones you need - to develop your growing confidence in the outside world.
For instance, often when buying a coffee or going shopping, there is always a moment of opportunity to practice your social skills with someone, even for a few seconds. Needless to say, there may be no 'attraction' involved here - so simply practice the skills that you can use for when you need them - such as:
1. making direct eye contact
2. smiling
3. making a positive comment of some kind
4. being an expression of your true and authentic self
If this happens to start up some kind of small talk or chat with someone, that is a bonus - as you are doing this to get a social workout - to hone your conversational and personal connection skills.
There can also be other hidden bonuses to this as well. For instance, when you are out with your prospective partner - you may receive extra 'bonus points' in their eyes when they notice people's friendly or familiar responses upon seeing you - all because you said hello each time they made you a coffee, or when they were serving you in a shop.
It's the small things that often make a big difference.
Also, when the time comes and you meet someone you would very much like to talk to, and maybe ask out - remember that you do not need to be perfect. It's actually our authentic self, with all our vulnerabilities and imperfections, that people most often like the most about us - because these things show we are being real and authentic.
Often people who try and play it super-cool can appear to be emotionally 'vacant' and aloof, and this can make it difficult to establish an emotional connection with the person you are with. So be yourself - they will understand and relate to on a much better level.
20 Seconds of Courage
Plus, remember that when the time comes to ask someone out - all you need is 20 seconds of courage.
There’s a great scene in the Matt Damon movie 'We Bought a Zoo' where he outlines how he saw this amazing woman and was so intimidated by her beauty - and he didn’t know how to talk to her.
So he decided that all he needed was “20 seconds of confidence” - and no more - as that was just enough for him to say something to her - and that if it came to nothing, he would be happy that he had tried. (And of course, it worked).
This is much easier than trying to be courageous for an hour. You can apply 20 seconds of courage to many different situations - because once you have broken the ice by making the first move, you are up and running.
The key is - rather than waiting for something major to happen, get ready for the dates in advance.
Build your internal social powers in small increments - practicing smiling at people, and chatting to the person you might buy food from at the shops etc - this it is all part of the opening up process, which will help to build and accelerate your internal confidence for dating.
For for those who wish to explore the topic further - with hypnotic recordings which help to strengthen and automate the internal dating confidence, please check out the link below.
Of course, there are also the standard and longer-term methods, such as actively working at these aspects:
• Be clear and direct
When asking someone out, be clear and direct about your intentions. Use simple language and avoid being too ambiguous or indirect.
• Choose a good location and activity
Choose a location and activity that will be enjoyable for both of you. Consider their interests and preferences, and avoid activities that might be too intense or intimate for a first date.
• Be confident and positive
Confidence and positivity are attractive qualities. Speak clearly, maintain eye contact, and avoid negative or self-deprecating comments.
• Listen actively
Listening actively and showing genuine interest in what your date has to say can help build a connection and rapport.
• Avoid distractions
Avoid checking your phone or being distracted by other things during the date. This can be disrespectful and can detract from the experience.
• Respect boundaries
Respect your date's boundaries and avoid pressuring them into anything they're not comfortable with.
• Have fun
Remember that dating should be fun! Try to enjoy the experience and don't put too much pressure on yourself or your date.
• Follow up
After the date, follow up with a text or phone call to thank them and express your interest in seeing them again (if you are interested).
Remember, successful dates don't always lead to a romantic relationship, but they can be an opportunity to meet new people and have enjoyable experiences. Be open to the possibilities and enjoy the journey!